When all you feel is darkness & all you want is a bullet to the brain to make the pain go away

I have a cousin, who is more like a brother, who took his life 163 days ago. The wound is fresh. Even the grammar of it hurts—do I say have a cousin or had. His memory haunts, leaves me tormented by daydreams I force upon myself—the reels of horror that replay in the mind when I think about…

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